A couple of things I like and hate about Valentine's...and a cry out for help..

Let's face it... nobody really knows what Valentine's is about. Is it just love? Or is it love and friendship? Or worse, is it about getting an excuse to do the things you've been wanting to do, but you don't have the courage to fulfill?
One of my friends told me that Valentine's is perfect to get inside a girl's pants only by handing her a nice expensive bouquet and a box of chocolate and I wonder if the guys that have done that with me beofre were actually hoping they'd get laid.... If any of you guys can tell me if it's true or not I'll thank you so much...
Ok, enough about dates and back on the mindless writting I'm used to. I've got a new cat, or from her point of view she's got new humans to slave. She's quite nice, and reminded me of what it feels like to be put somewhere where you're not so sure you fit in, where they all seem so nice to you, everything is smiles and strokes on your head... until you spend enough time with them and you notice some sort of second intention behind that smile, or you start feeling like you're wearing out your welcome...
Lucky me, that's only happened to me once and I could run away from that in a split second.
Now, I'll be honest and tell everyone that the reason why I decided to write today was just to see if the internet community can help me. Back in 2002 a very good and dear friend of mine died in a very confusing "accident" when his house burnt to the ground holding him inside. The problem is that it was February, so none of us classmates found out until we went back to University. At first we didn't want to believe it had actually happened, but we found his name in the newspaper, inside the obituary section, so we had to face the truth: he was gone... and here's the problem, you see? in that add nobody mentioned where he was buried, if he was buried. I've tried to track him down for the past 3 years and I've found nothing but dead ends... could you please help me out?
that's it from planet Paz... take care and let me know if you find antything...
Ok, that was stupid... his name was Ramiro Adrián Hassan Araya, from Santiago de Chile. I know he had a twin sister whose boyfriend at the time lived in Rancagua. He was a poet, he went to Balmaceda 1215 pretty often. He used to write under the name of Jinete del Apocalipsis. he was around 21 when he died, and also had studied architecture before joining us at Letras in the Universidad Católica de Chile , in 2001... that's all the info I have..

After lunch thinking...

yesterday I had lunch with two people that, even though rather new in my life, seem to have known me for ever. They were able to express in words thoughts I thought to be only mine, and were able to understand that my smile or tears meant what they mean... true peace herself..
For both of them goes my after-lunch thinking, with infinite gratitude to one of them and inmense love for the other one.
---------------------------------

Let go from chains, bounds, locks...
break on through to the other side...
the sun lights up the way, though it looks so far and so long it gives me strength to move on...
there are stones that look down on me, maybe they think they're so cool
with their height, their weight, their confidence and steadiness... I prefer dust...
dust knows that deep down she is a stone just like those, but she has learnt how to move on and fly, learn, rest and enjoy her passing through Earth, because she knows Earth, Wind, Fire, Water, Heaven and Hell...
She's been there, she tells stories about her life with her twinkling smile...
so bad for the rocks... their ears have gone solid too...

If only...

...things were easier...
...life were longer...
...you were here...
...I were yours....
...You were not hers...
...He weren't here....
...I had came...
...You hadn't left...
...they remembered us...
...We remembered us...
...I didn't have short term memory loss....
...my head weren't spinning...
...you hadn't drunk so much...
...we had some weed...
...a bottle of wine were on my table...
...the one next to me weren't empty...
...she had left some paper towels....
...the candles hadn't burnt down...
...the bullshit betwen us just stopped...
...I had the time to call you...
...we had gotten on that bus...
...or was it a plane?...
...or your car?
...did you have a car?...
...we remembered where we were going...
.......
.... did you find that muse that had ran away before?
...was she where you had left her?
...why wasn't it me?
...it was?
...so you found me?
...can you bring me back to me?
...to the time when we were young and happy, selfish and free, outgoing, talktative, philosophical, ilogical?
... you have my number tatooed on your chest, just give me a call...

Starting all over again... just to let you know...

I've been there, done that and also got the t-shirt... It's a place I'd rather not to visit again, although I know it will happen, wether I want to or not... Have you been there? Do you remember the goosebumps in your arms? The funny feeling in your stomach, between extreme joy and extremely sick? How did you handle that?
I left because it was starting to annoy me... the drama, the darkness of an enlightened room is overwhelming, the loneliness of a computer screen is actually worse than the one in a crowded room...
I've come to this world for a reason... I like to think there's something I'm suppossed to do, someone I'm suppossed to meet... I've gotten used to looking for long lost friends these past weeks... I need to know If they remember me like I remember them...
I had to delete everything I had written down in this journal before for mental sanity's sake... It's not good to treasure things that hurt you, or that you don't want in your life anymore... Just reading them before deleting them was a torture from ancient greek myths... like being eaten by and eagle everyday or pushing a rock uphill only to see it go down again due to its own weight.. over and over again I felt little daggers in my soul... now I must bleed, be released from form and matter... let myself be free once again, to taste the air and the water that come out from you....