It just doesn't stop

One would think that, by the time you're 23, you should have learnt most of the things you need for a mature, responsible life, but I've come to the conclusion that wasn't my case.
You see, I've always had a back-up plan for everything... and I do mean everything: from life-changing choices to what I want to have in the fridge to relationships... and this time, unbelievably, I didn't have one... I didn't think I'd need one 'cause I thought it was going to last for good... you know, "he's the one", "happily ever after" and all hat love story mambojambo.... So here I am, in a completely different situation from all the ones I'd had so far.
It's part, I've been told, of growing up. I have, for once, to be on my own for a while... and a while means more than a couple of months... I have to get to know me, cause, like water, I normally tend to blend in with the person I have next to me. Have you seen "Runaway bride"? That movie in which Julia Roberts never gets maried 'cause she gets cold feet every time she's in her wedding dress and Richard Gere does this story on her for a neswpaper? Well, His character asks every one of the grooms she's had -and dumped- how they think she likes her eggs... and all say, for example "scrambled, just like me" or "fried, just like me". And you guessed... I pretty much do the same. I've always tried to become what I'm expected to be instead of being who I really am. That's why some ex-boyfriends or partners have said "You're perfect for me", 'cause I made myself a replica of what I see they want in a partner...
So, I guess this time out was heaven sent. I have to know me in order, first of all, to really know me and acknowledge my needs and flaws... and then, I have to know me so that I can show myself to the world and welcome that person I now is out there somewhere. A person I can be me with... a person like no other... and start everything all over again...

I love two people in the world... three, actually... more than I can describe... those three people know me pretty damn well... two of them have supported me in being me these past few weeks... they've been there to dry my tears -which have been quite a lot-, they've been there to tell me how much they love me for what I am. The other one led me to this spot in which I'm able to see things a bit clearer and I'm thankful for that chance, though I feel terrible for all the things I put him through. I'm sorry, darling... I truly didn't mean to. But thank you for putting me in the track of self-discovery.

Love and kisses to all of you who care enough to read this...

Peace out!!