And once again...

You know? One would think people learn from their mistakes.... well... breaking news... I haven't...
I haven't learnt how to trust people, not even the people I love the most in this world. I am so insecure, so weak, that the smallest of doubts becomes the beginning of WW III and I take measures that I shouldn't even consider.
Many good friends of mine have been trying to convince me of what a good person I am, of what a good person I can be... But I keep comparing myself to others I think are better than me, and -just my luck- are very close to those I love and need, so I feel I'll get replaced in the blink of an eye and then, and just then, I panic and start reacting...
Well, to those reading, I must say that even though I am aware of all this I can't do much about it... I don't seem to find that grip I need, that trust I lack of....
And then I start thinking: when was the last time I trusted someone? When was the last time I completely tusted someone? I truly can't remember... I've been hurt and I've hurt so much that I lost track of those very important details...
I have got to start believing again, relying on you again... I just need to let go and let myself fall in your arms, don't I?
I would love to turn back time a little bit and not have done many of the things that have led me here, to this ugly little spot in space...would you kindly fish me out of here? And once I'm out, could you show me the way? I know I've asked too much from you... and you are entitled to refuse my request.... and if you do, just leave me a pice of paper with a map, so I can see where I'm going, although I won't be able to see the path I'm walking on...